While this year’s Lockn’ Festival was quite the success, festivalgoers experienced many challenges, from canceling a day of performances to technical glitches to parking issues. With all of that, humor and positive vibes still managed to find their way on to the scene once the music got underway. L4LM compiled a list of the funniest moments overheard by fans, crew and staff, and have listed them here for your enjoyment. If you overheard something funny while at Lockn’, please feel free to add in the comments below. Enjoy!
“Is Widespread still playing?” “Yes, they’ve been playing the same song for the last three hours.”
“There was a live goat living in the kitchen of my restaurant. I still got a C+ from the health department. I guess it was better than a dead goat in the kitchen.”
A person walking past a campsite talking very calmly into their cell phone, “You put your left foot in, then you take your left foot out. Now you shake your left foot all about.”
An 8 year old girl to her neighbor, “I missed Warren last night! I had my energy all up for him and then I fell asleep and missed the whole show!”
“I’m sure this is my campsite. I think someone stole my tent.”
“Have you seen a cat? It escaped from my sleeping bag last night.”
Overheard two people picking up glow sticks: “Hey man stop being a dirt squirrel.”
“Those Preparation H wipes were a game changer!”
“Trying to kill some time we decided to play 3-person telephone which, it turns out, is really fun with when one has noise cancellation head phones and the other hardly speaks English.”
“Sounds of the toilet paper roll being frantically spun in the next stall over.”
“Well, if you hadn’t shit your pants we wouldn’t have to leave right now.”
“I’ve got underwear longer than your Bobby shorts!”
“How was Mickey in the woods? Spacey?” “Holy shit man, it was like being on another planet.”
“Pace yourself grasshopper. Lockn’ is a marathon, not a sprint.”
“I have reached wook level nine.”
Overheard in the urinals during peak bathroom time: “All the guys pissing started chanting “it’s great to be a maaan, it’s great to be a man” like we were diggin’ in the cut but really we were all just pissing in a trough.”
“Want to know why Bob didn’t play with Phil? ‘Cause Bobby HATES glowsticks!”
“That’s a hammock? I thought that was a trash can.”
“I figured out why the smoke detector is going off in the RV! Kerri made the coffee with vodka.”
Asked an old hippie walking by if he knew where to get ice. He said “what, like crystal meth?”
“The lighting was terrible, look at this picture I took of Robert Plant. He looks like he’s black.” “That’s his guitar player. From Nigeria.”
“I’m going to line up all those dirty hippies and hose ’em off.”
“I feel like I just walked into a wook washing machine and got chucked out in the grass!”
“I want my Lockn’ baby’s name to be Tequila Grizzly Bear. No one would fuck with that guy.”
“Your hippie swag game is on lock, son.”
“The VIP showers are dribblin’ like spit.”
“You know what’s better than this song? This song for 4 hours!”
“Widespread Panic fans fly to shows. They’re all accountants and shit.”
“What has to happen in a porta-potty for it to be padlocked? Did she have a baby?!” Different guy shouts from inside porta-potty, “it was probably twins!”
“Is it forest camping or farthest camping?”
“You’re only as strong as your bladder.”
“Ya’ll shut up. I’m trying to party.”
“Why did I chew 12 pieces of gum yesterday? Now my temples hurt and I don’t want to eat.”
“Someone is loaning the Boro Wooks an RV.”
“They shit in my cooler.”
“I was crying so hard at Bob Weir that I jizzed in my pants.”
“I tripped over some wook’s soft dreads and almost face planted in the mud.”
“On bass, Jack “Twinkletoes” Casady.” – Jorma Kaukonen
Two middle-aged guys standing up on the road surveying the line to get in to the festival on Friday morning: “Looks just like the fucking U.S./Mexico border down there, man.”
“Did you just see that guy wearing boxer briefs and pearls?”
“The Disco Biscuits are the Insane Clown Posse of the jam band world.”
“John Bell‘s voice makes me have to poop.”
“Why was that Robert Palmer dude covering all those Zeppelin tunes?”
“Does anyone want this weed? I’ve got too much weed.”
“It’s great to be here at Lockn’. Shit, at our age it’s great to be anywhere!” – Jorma Kaukonen
T-shirt spotted: Lockn’ 2015 Refugee
“Free Beer! Five Dollars!”
“I love Jimmy Cliff. I would ask him to marry me, but it’s too late.” – Robert Plant
“Does anyone know how to get spray paint out of cat fur?”
Five year old girl: “Ice cold lemonade! $1. Cheapest drink you’ll find here!”
As Robert Plant is coming onstage: “Great, another fucking cover band.”
“I hate it when Bobby sings Jerry tunes.”
“Where’s the stage?”
“Do not use porta-potty number 5. I repeat, do not use porta-potty number 5. It will not be a pleasant experience.”
“Clearly the moon shine and pineapple chunks come out as chunky as they went in.”
“Who shit in the shower?”
Guy puking next to the fence when asked if he was ok: “I drank too much water.”
Police officer #1: “Did you ever find that golf cart?” Police officer #2: “Nope.”
Walking through the redclay mud: “We know ya like it extra sloppy so we mad ’em extra sloppy for ya’s.”
Woman coming out of the shower to another woman waiting: “Yay for hygiene!”
“Looking at other people’s poop all weekend has made me realize just how healthy I really am.”
“Is that the EOTO stage?” “No, that’s just a glowing person on top of an RV.”
“Will you be my wife?”
