It’s become tradition for the Live For Live Music family to catalog the hysterical things we overhear at large-scale jam scene events. Some moments live on through various fan groups, providing additional content and extended laughs galore. Though nothing can live up to the actual memories of the communities floating through places like Soldier Field during Fare Thee Well, or Madison Square Garden during New Years Eve, or any of the various music festivals that occupy the lives of our strange-folk jam scene, it’s the after-read that makes this work week just a little more enjoyable.
Our most recent laughs have come straight out of Las Vegas, when Phish took over the MGM Grand Garden Arena for four nights to celebrate Halloween. With over 17,000 gambling phans in attendance, there was plenty of action to hear from. So, here’s what made us laugh the hardest!
“The MGM makes me feel like Hunter S. Thompson had it easy in fear and loathing in Las Vegas…”
“I could probably nail Mike from here with this glow stick… but I won’t. He’s wooorking.”
“I have double Page nipples” – after receiving random Phish buttons.
“I don’t want to walk through that way, it’s a field of spunions over there.”
“WHO WANTS TO FRIEND ME ON FACEBOOK?!?”
Dude in a skirt: “You guys look pretty great, wanna take me home?”
“I’m invisible!” “Well I’m a bagel!!”
“This is great pot. It feels like when you’re still feeling the waves after being on a boat, but in a good way….” “So you could say it’s ‘Big Boat’ weed?!?”
“No ducks, no deal.”
“I mean it’s a baby, I haven’t done anything with it but he’s cool.”
“I need a pen that writes, not one you smoke out of!”
“I couldn’t handle this place on acid!”
“This is a Phish show not a Dead show – so no tie dye!”
“We’ve got some powerful pills here, who wants em?!” Hands out Smarties.
“I only hope that Page labels his haunted house noises with pictures or icons instead of words. That’s what I would do.”
“This band is going to make me cry tonight.”
Said during the show: “You know what would make this even better… bacon.”
“You know, this band really needs more tambourines…” “I know! I wish these glow sticks were tambourines.”
Hippies run to the people in front of us wearing blinking lights & stop: “Sorry about cutting in front of you, but those lights were so inviting!”
Sign on Amish costume, “what happens on rumshpringa stays on rumshpringa.”
“Baa baa black sheep have you any shirt?”
“Did someone lose a sock? It just fell in front of me…”
“Star Jam?” “Star VOCAL Jam!!”
“Your cab driver was a pimp?!” “Well yea but he was more of a renaissance man really.”
During set three on Halloween: “Didn’t Mike have sleeves at one point during this concert?”
During Twist drum solo: “IT’S PHISH IN SPAAAACE!”
After Monday’s show: “DO NOT under-do it tonight, doctor’s orders.”
Groom to bride before wedding, dressed as Hall and Oates: “Babe, you have the marriage certificate right? Also, let me fix your mustache, it’s crooked.”
“How am I going to get these drugs in?” “You could supposit them…” “Did you just invent a new verb?”
In the bathroom: “How do I hang up my bag of wine?”
“I sold my extra to a wook but realized afterwards it was my ticket, so now I’m the wook looking for an extra. WHO’S GOT MY EXTRA!?!?”
“I heard John Mayer is here. Did you guys catch when Mayer’s rhythm guitarist played with Phish in Nashville?”
“I dropped five grand on a shitty handjob last night.”
“I’m all itchy from that woman’s glitter last night.”
“Me and my buddy were banging this chick last night in the room and she reached over and started eating all the Altoids. They were all dosed and…” elevator door closes.
After someone got kicked out: “That’s what happens when Phish brings back the Gumbo jams.”
Also after someone got kicked out: “I couldn’t get any more psychedelic right now.”
“Hey guys, I’m going to see this really awesome band on Halloween. They’re called Twiddle. If anyone knows any pre game parties we could hit, let me know!” – an actual Facebook message [face palm!]
“Guys, I’m pretty sure I just saw John Mayer riding a the rail in a unicorn onesie… my life is complete!”
At TopGolf: “I’m nailing golf balls at a driving range with Electric Beethoven playing behind me after a Phish show. They should call me Tiger Wooks!”