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21 Random Opinions on 2013 GRAMMYs Awards

The 2013 Grammy Awards are set for this Sunday, which means it’s time for every website in the world to put out their predictions and their odds and make the same jokes about the shitty nominees and it’s driving me insane. Instead, I’m just going to incoherently rant about some of the shit that is supposed to happen this Sunday.

  • LL Cool J is this years host. LL Cool J: The Actor. Seriously, there are generations of people who only know LL Cool J from NCIS. It’s weird. Also, way to be hip, Grammys.
  • Random performance award of the year goes to: Travis Barker, Chuck D, LL Cool J, Tom Morello, and Z-Trip, who are performing what will probably be some random medley of hip hop songs and will probably end up being awesome.
  • Two big tribute acts – Elton John, Zac Brown, Mumford and Sons, and T-Bone Burnett lead all-star tribute to Levon Helm, while the super talented but less famous Stanley Clarke, Chick Corea, and Kenny Garnett lead a tribute to Dave Brubeck.
  • Bruno Mars is performing with Sting and Rihanna. How much does Bruno Mars sound like Sting on ‘Locked Out Of Heaven’? This is a fail if Sting doesn’t sing that part of that song. Complete fail.
  • Two presenters I’m really looking forward to: Neil Patrick Harris because he’s fucking Neil Patrick Harris. But here’s where we get a shot at some magic – Prince. The Purple One himself, is presenting an award.
  • Did you know that Gotye’s real name is Wally de Backer? When you have a name like that, you keep it. WBD. Also – I think he’s got to win Record of the Year, right? Critically acclaimed album, fresh new sound, super successful. Taylor Swift and Kelly Clarkson have the bubble gum pop songs, Fun.’s too new, and The Black Keys are better as a whole than just one song. Frank Ocean’s the dark horse.
  • You know everyone always says rock music is dead? Guitars are on the way out? Of the five albums nominated for Album of the Year, four of them are guitar based rock acts. The fifth is Frank Ocean, who should probably win. Jack White’s Blunderbuss is right up there too, but it’ll probably end up going to The Black Keys or Mumford and Sons.
  • What’s the difference between Song of the Year and Record of the Year? Song of the Year award goes to the composer, while Record of the Year goes to the performer – but why? Why not just have one award that goes to both the composer and the performer? This is going to bother me.
  •  Best new artist has to goto Frank Ocean, right? Props to Alabama Shakes for getting mentioned, and, seriously The Lumineers, where did you come from?
  •  It’s weird how we kind of just completely ignore country music on the East Coast. Some guy named Hunter Hayes is nominated for Best New Artist. Supposedly he’s some big young country singer. It’s like he’s from another country to me.
  • ‘Sexy and I Know It’ is nominated for Best Pop Song, which means that song has been around for less than a year. It feels like it’s been around for a decade.
  • Ok so, Al Walser, way to manipulate the Grammys and get your name on in the Best Dance Recordings nominations. You literally trolled the Grammys. Well done. How does Avicii not win for Levels. Let’s give him the award and bury the song forever. Go out on top.
  •  Chemical Brothers are nominated in Best Dance Album – for a live album recorded . Should that even be allowed?
  • Fiona Apple’s album is called ‘The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do’. That is all.
  • What is ‘Best Contemporary Urban Album’? What the fuck does that mean. There is an R&B Album category.
  • Theres a song nominated for Best Country Song called ‘Springsteen’ by Eric Church, which is apparently full of references to Bruce Springsteen songs. Weird.
  • Nominated for Best Reggae Album include legends like Jimmy Cliff, Toots And The Maytals, The Original Wailers, and….Sean FUCKING Paul. No idea he was still around….Dutty Boy is an incredible album though seriously. Gimme The Light, Baby Boy, Like Glue, Get Busy. It’s a fucking hit factory.
  • Best band name ever: The Okee Dokee Brothers. Nominated for Best Children’s Album.
  •  Tenacious D should win best comedy album. Jack Black should have a Grammy.
  • Producer of the year is interesting – Diplo may be a favorite with a diverse bunch of songs, but he’s got no complete albums, whereas Markus Dravs produced albums for Mumford and Sons and Coldplay, Salaam Remi for Nas, Jeff Bhasker for Fun, and Dan Auerback for his own Black Keys.
  • Best Remixed Recording is a cool category I didn’t really know exist. Axwell’s ‘In My Mind’ is clearly the most mainstream one that the voters will recognize (thanks, Kia!), but the rest of the nominees are all pretty solid. Eric Prydz’s Midnight City would be my pick – but awesome to see Photek nominated for his remix of Moby’s ‘Lie Down In Darkness’.Ok that about covers it. Tune into the Grammys on CBS this Sunday at 8PM to see all the action.