03/01/13Posted in Features by Justin Charles

Why I Hate Morrissey



I'm sorry, but Morrissey is just so annoying. I think after The Smiths actually gained some recognition and now this sort of mystic aura around them, Morrissey just got into 'fuck the world' mode. It's like he thinks since people are begging for a re-union, he can just act like a whiny bitch until he gets his way. For years, I kind of just accepted it as Morrissey being Morrissey. It was fine. But over the past month he's been popping up in the news a lot due to his upcoming tour, and I have finally snapped. I fucking hate this guy.

Morrissey is like that annoying girl who finds out you're a vegetarian and is all like "oh but you should be a vegan". And when she finds out your a vegan, she's all like "but are you a raw vegan? organic? huh?". Just shut up already. We get it, you like animals. I like dogs, they're awesome. Honestly, it's hard to get mad at a guy for working so hard to ensure the ethical treatment of animals, but Morrissey just shoves it down your throat until you wish you could slap him in the face.

It's not enough to just talk about his cause and promote it – no – he needs to force it upon you. That was the case in negotiating a huge show at Los Angeles' Staples Center,where Morrissey insisted the entire venue go vegetarian if he was going to perform there. The Hollywood Reporter recently asked Morrissey why he thought the Staples Center decided to go all vegetarian for him, but not for Paul McCartney when he made a similar request. Morrissey responded,

"I was amused to hear that Sir Paul McCartload was very angry that Staples had said yes to me but no to him, when really, he should be happy for any victory on behalf of the animals. I know he works tirelessly for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals [PETA], but he also loves the British royals, whose treatment of animals is abysmal. The Queen herself wears enough fur to blanket most of Russia. He also once sang “Give Ireland back to the Irish,” which was directed at the Queen. Well, she refused, and she still refuses, yet Sir Paul gives her the thumbs up! If he cared passionately about animals, he'd return his knighthood. He doesn't need the Queen's approval. He's given more pleasure to people worldwide than she could ever dream of."

Such a douchey answer. He admits that McCartney works "tirelessly" for PETA, but still needs to knock him down. Hey, you guys are on the same team! McCartney is probably one of the biggest boosters for PETA, but Morrissey still has to shit on him because he was knighted? He's supposed to give away one of his country's highest honors because the Queen wears fur? And seriously, Morrisey makes it seem like McCartney and the Queen hang out, like they're all buddy buddy.

And obviously first he pulls the "well, Paul should just be happy for the animals". Yeah, I'd be pissed if I was McCartney too. He's Paul Fucking McCartney. What probably happened, is the Staples Center, logically said "Hey Paul, we'd love to help you out, but it is bat shit crazy to make our entire stadium vegetarian for your concert". And McCartney was probably like "yeah, I understand actually, it's cool". But Morrisey probably just bitched and moaned until he got his way.

It was widely reported that Coachella offered Morrissey a completely vegetarian event last year if he would re-unite as The Smiths with Johnny Marr. He still said no. Fuck you Morrissey. No, not for not re-uniting The Smiths. I don't give a fuck. Fuck you for almost making me and 75,000 other people become a vegetarian for three days. Why would you do that? It's fine to have beliefs and feelings, you just don't have to force it upon other people for three days.

This all goes back to Coachella 2009, when Morrissey stopped his set when he smelled food being barbecued. "I can smell burning flesh and I hope to God –I can smell burning flesh and I hope to God it's human," he told the crowd. Are you fucking kidding me? You hope to God it's human? That's your first response to the "smell of burning flesh"? That's like serial killer crazy. So in the best case scenario, some poor hipster is just burning away somewhere in the distance? That is better then cooking a few hot dogs? It's supposed to be a 'shock statement', but it ends up just sounding creepy.

Morrissey likes to 'shock'. During his live shows, he performs The Smith's 'Meat Is Murder' while a video of animals being slaughtered plays on behind you. We get it. First, the song is already called 'Meat Is Murder'. It's one thing when you have to sit through Crosby, Stills, and Nash talk about politics for three hours. It's another when you have to listen to Bruce Springsteen meander through a pointless story before he gets to 'Thunder Road'. But seriously – five minutes of straight animal slaughter? I can't get through one of those commercials asking to donate money to skinny dogs. You make people sit through that? A one minute speech is fine, thanks.

The worst thing about Morrissey, is that he really has that emo kid mentality that nobody cares enough about him and nobody understands him. He recently told the Hollywood Reporter that he's waiting for a major label to release his next album, saying, "I have no DIY instincts, and recording without a major label would give the music world yet another reason to completely ignore me." Oh please Morrissey, let me call you a whaaaaaambulance. The music world ignores you? The country's biggest music festival was going to GO ENTIRELY VEGETARIAN for you. You are selling out arenas around the world! What more attention do you want from the music world? We're living in an age of do it yourself success. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis charted at #2 off of internet buzz. Baauer is now at his second straight week at #1 based off a viral video. Huge artists like Radiohead release their albums independently. But Morrisey whines for a major label.

It's a shame too, because The Smiths are awesome. And I would pay good money to see Morrissey join forces with Johnny Marr one more time. And the guy does a lot of good for animals, too. But now it's all I associate it with. Now when I think of Morrissey I just think of the whiny, annoying, asshole. I fucking hate Morrissey.


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