Concerts can be the absolute best place to people watch and listen, with so many characters from different walks of life sharing this once-in-a-lifetime experience. The Grateful Dead Fare Thee Well shows were a prime example of this. Here are some of our favorite things we overheard, taken both from our personal experiences at the shows and a hilarious comment thread in the Grateful Dead 50th – Face Value Tickets group. You seriously can’t make this shit up.

“He’s been naked for 15 minutes and security hasn’t come! I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!”

“The city is red white and blue for the Grateful Dead, right? What song is GOUSA?”

“They engineered that moon, it cost them $50,000.”

“Dude, haven’t I met you before? We rolled a blunt in a Subaru!” (The answer was no)

Daughter: “Mom, I’m not talking to you until you wash the hippie off.”
Mom: “You can’t wash the hippie off the inside.”

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“Watch out, tie dye cop on a segway!”

“I told everyone I work with I wouldn’t be around 4th of July weekend because it’s a religious holiday.”

“Some of my best friends are squirrels.”

“I think I just made a baby named Cassidy this morning.”

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“We may not have gotten tickets but at least we can use the money for cocaine and blowjobs.” -60 year old men

“You lost the car, you lost the beer, you lost your mind, but you still have the pot!”

Q: “Where do you live normally?”
A: “I don’t live normally.”

“DAD! Is that you?!?!”

“I’m on Mike side.”

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“My first born for your extra!”

Q: “Hey…soldier field security is looking for people on LSD!”
A: “On Lake shore Drive?”

“Hide your beers, the cops are coming.” -Cops

“If you find any body parts just send them to Phil.” (To the floor sweep crew post-show)

“I know y’all were in town rockin’ for the Grateful Dead but this morning y’all lookin’ like the Walking Dead!” -Hotel employee in the morning

“Which one is Trey?”

“I’ve been tripping since Jerry died.”

Security: “What do you people do during this hour break?”
Attendee: “Most of us just use the time to file our taxes.”

“Wake up to find out that you are disguised as a squirrel.”

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“Hey man, can I pet your goat for a balloon?”

“Dude, this is way better than Dave Matthews.”

“No way I’m buying a ticket for $500 unless the section number is on stage and the seat number is Trey’s dick.”

“I didn’t know they let people bring in their cell phones to shows now.”

“It looks like we’re on the train to Hogwarts.”

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“I feel like a mountain goat trying to get to my seat.”

“I’d suck dick for a grilled cheese.”

“Coke for a smoke?”

“Dude, dude…I want to introduce you to a really, really good friend of mine…yeah I’ve known him for…15 minutes!”

“Bill Kreutzmann looks like a crab fisherman.”

“The Grateful Dead lot is the only place where I would ever pick up something that looks like trash and snort it.”

“So babe, what concert should we see next? Nickelback?”

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“Trey is bringing too much energy and making all these kids dance too hard, I wish this was all slower.”

Q: “How do you get to the hotel?”
A: “Keep walking straight until you don’t see any hippies and take a left.”

“We have to go West.”
“Where’s North?”
“With Kim and Kanye.”

“Picked up some Dead fans. Kept shining green lights on me and shit. Thought I had found the Scooby Doo crew.” -Lyft driver

“Did you see all those Deadheads? I thought they were extinct.”

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“Remember that time Trey was in the Grateful Dead?”

During space/drums 2nd night: “I think Mickey Hart might be the godfather of modern electronic music.”

“You dirty hippies are actually really nice!” -Security staff

“Was that EOTO?” (After drums & space)

“What the fuck is a goat doing on shakedown street?”

A wook longboarded by with a banana to his ear shouting ‘No, no, no, you call ME back!”

“Jerry sounds great tonight!”

“Damn, Phish tour is gonna be way more crowded now.”

“I heard Miley Cyrus is gonna come out on a wrecking ball swinging over Trey’s head.”

“Trey is really going to make this band big one day.”

“So you don’t eat lobster, but you have no problem doing coke?”

“Freshman year was the longest 7 years of my life.”

“Uber is 4.4 times the rate and I don’t care!”

“My scuba gear for your extra!”

“Do I look like a shrooms salesman?”

“Those aren’t nitrous balloons. Those are alien barf bags.”

“Where’s Pete Shaprio? I feel like I need to show him my tits or something after tonight…”

[Photo by Jay Blakesberg]