Back in 2015, New Orleans funk legend Cyril Neville penned a holiday poem for Offbeat Magazine. Dubbed, The Night Before Funkmas, the poem starts,
It was the night before Funkmas
And all through the city.
The whole town was gettin’ ready
To get down to the real nitty gritty.
The posters and fliers were hung up everywhere.
Announcing that Poppa Funkmas would soon be there.
Neville’s funk-inspired holiday poem continues with references to big jams and funky, sweet-smelling pipe smoke. Read the entire funk scripture below.
The Night Before Funkmas
By Cyril Neville
It was the night before Funkmas
And all through the city.
The whole town was gettin’ ready
To get down to the real nitty gritty.
The posters and fliers were hung up everywhere.
Announcing that Poppa Funkmas would soon be there.
The shorties were snuggled up in their bunk beds.
While games and videos danced in their heads.
Mom wore her Gucci kerchief and I wore my Kangol cap.
Was smokin’ and sippin’ Crystal while Mom danced on my lap.
When out in front of the crib there arose such a noise.
I wondered if it was my friend Benny and the Boys.
They was yellin,’ tellin’ me we’ll be late for the show.
“Come on slow poke, it’s time to go.”
And as the car emptied out and the guys came near.
I could see that the whole Funkmas Band was here.
The long shiny whip had ladies on the hood and the trunk.
I knew in an instant it was Old Poppa Funk!
He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot.
Dripping in diamonds, pockets bulging with loot.
His eyes they sparkled and twinkled in the moonlight.
He said “I hope y’all ready for the big jam tonight!”
The stem of his long pipe was held tightly in his teeth!
The thick smoke swirling round his head was so funky and sweet!
He had a diamond and ruby buckle in the middle of his belly.
And when he hit his pipe it shook like a bowl full of jelly.
Dressed to the nines all his band members came.
They high fived him as they passed him and he called them by name.
“Yo Snooks, and Red, hey Smokey, Yo Bluesy!
’Sup Bunchy, hey Roscoe, hey Bulldog and Skinbooty!
We gonna rattle all the windows, make sweat drip off the walls!
All night long till the crack of dawn
we gon’ have ourselves a ball!”
When we got to the dance hall Poppa Funkmas went straight to work.
Man, we did the nae-nae, the stanky leg, the twist and the jerk.
But before we knew it we were lookin’ at the sun.
Time sure flies when you’re having so much fun.
Poppa Funkmas did a solo and then he grabbed hold of the mic.
He said “I told y’all we’d be rockin’, this jam was gon’ be outta sight.”
The place was packed to the rafters and the band was good ’n’ tight.
Happy Funkmas to all a’ y’all, it was one hell of a night!
[Originally Published 12/24/17]