“Hey kids! Looking to make the transition from deadhead to danfan but don’t know where to begin? Here’s how it goes,” reads the top of a page from the deepest depths of SteelyDan.com. It’s not the kind of Web 1.0 relic you’d expect to find buried on the acclaimed jazz-rock duo’s official site, but its a gem nonetheless.
So what is this Deadhead/Danfan Conversion Chart, exactly? Well, it’s more or less what it sounds like. The page is split into three columns, with a first column offering something associated with Grateful Dead fans, a last column offering something associated with Steely Dan fans, and a middle column suggesting a transitional item to assist Deadheads on their journey to Danfandom.
For example, one row goes from “sense of oneness” to “sense of despair” to “sense of entitlement.” Another goes from “narcotics misdemeanors” to “DUI” to “money laundering, illegal campaign contributions.” Most of them are similarly hilarious, somehow finding a way to simultaneously mock and pay tribute to both fanbases.
Related: Grateful Dead Studio Albums Ranked Worst To Best
According to the Wayback Machine, the Deadhead/Danfan Conversion Chart was created back in July 1997, when the internet was still in its infancy. It was also a weird time for fans of both bands too—only two years after the death of Jerry Garcia and just three years before Steely Dan would make their big comeback to recorded music with 2000’s Two Against Nature. Yet for some reason, the chart makes a lot of sense. Perhaps its because the Dead and the Dan had utterly divergent approaches to creating music. Perhaps its because, despite these differences, they often had a lot of overlapping fans anyway. Or maybe it’s just good writing. Regardless, the Deadhead/Danfan Conversion Chart is sure to give you a few chuckles.
Here’s a screenshot of the chart, but you can check out the real deal here:
