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Kid Rock Might Be Running For U.S. Senate Because Everything Is Terrible

Ming Lee Newcomb |
Kid Rock

Ah, yes, Kid Rock. What do you think when you hear the name? Do you think of the genius musician who heavily sampled the iconic “Sweet Home Alabama” in his song about growing up in Northern Michigan, or the genius lyricist who, in the very same song, rhymed the word “things” with “things,” making for an actually 100% perfect rhyme? #legendary

Maybe, your first instinct when you hear the name of the musician who penned such classics as “Cucci Galore” and “Bawitdaba”—the latter of which is mostly filled with incoherent babbling in between rants on the IRS and references to “porno flicks”—is, “Get that man into political office ASAP!” If you fall into this category, then buckle up, because you’re about to have a great day. Today, Robert Ritchie, the actual name of the celebrated and beloved musician that is Kid Rock, more or less announced that he would be running for U.S. Senate.

A website for Kid Rock’s apparent senatorial run,  www.kidrockforsenate.com, went live today, which, I shit you not, only features a picture of Kid Rock next to a taxidermied deer, the lone phrase “ARE YOU SCARED?”, a link to a gift shop with predictably horribly rendered gear, and a poorly designed GIF that alternates between phrases like “PIMP OF THE NATION,” “BORN FREE,” and “IN ROCK WE TRUST.” Inexplicably, the GIF also features the phrases “PARTY TO THE PEOPLE,” “WELCOME TO THE PARTY,” and “I’LL ROCK THE PARTY” back to back, just to really hammer home Rock’s affinity toward both political parties and drinking-a-bottle-of-Southern-Comfort-and-waking-up-in-your-neighbor’s-bushes-naked parties.

Clearly, the outpour about this new website got back to Kid Rock, as he then went to post on Twitter this:

A few moments later, Kid Rock then posted this cryptic follow-up:

Oh boy! I wonder what his major announcement will be! Surely, it’s not that he plans to run for U.S. Senate!

However, the bid is not officially confirmed, and there are two reasons to be skeptical. 1) Kid Rock is a known flip-flopper. In 1998, the musician declared “I wanna be a cowboy,” though we have yet to see any evidence that he actually accomplished this goal after nearly two decades, and 2) As Consequence of Sound notes, “While Richie has expressed an interest in politics, it’s entirely possible, and likely probable, he’s not actually running for office. His campaign’s webstore is hosted on Warner Bros.’s website, suggesting the rocker is parlaying recent speculation into a marketing opportunity for a new music project.”

If Rock is serious about running for Michigan’s Senate, he’d be up against incumbent Debbie Stabenow (D), as Kid Rock, though he identifies as a “Libertarian” (a.k.a. a Republican who likes to smoke pot), is a big supporter of Donald Trump. In the past, Rock has previously campaigned for the 45th president, sold merchandise for him, visited him in the White House, and generally just won’t hop off his dick. Ironically, if Kid Rock were to run for office, he may have to face-off against his good buddy, Ted Nugent, who is also considering running for office, because the bar for political standards is literally flush with the ground.

[H/T Consequence of Sound]