Concerts can be the absolute best place to people watch and listen, with so many characters from different walks of life sharing this once-in-a-lifetime experience. The Phish Magnaball Festival was the perfect example of this. Here are some of our favorite things we overheard, taken both from our personal experiences at the festival, hilarious comment threads in Facebook groups, and a popular Phish message board. You seriously can’t make this shit up.
Related: Phish ‘Dinner And A Movie’ Stream Companion: Magnaball, 8/22/15 [Photos/Videos]
Guy using a hairbrush as a microphone to interview multiple people … one girl starts giving a play by play analysis of the show until she says… “wait its not even plugged in!” … guy responds, “yeah… that’s because its a fucking hairbrush… you heard it here first folks… 94.2 and the brushhhh”
“Well it looks and smells like the war on drugs is over and the hippies won.”
“The 4th set was pre-recorded…” (Talking about the secret set)
“Dip n Dots have been the “ice cream of the future” for like 30 years… Shouldn’t it just be ice cream by now?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right now, right?” (A person asking strangers)
“We’ve got nipples, because we’ve got a band” (During Phish’s “Simple”)
“I saw you, with your dick and balls in your hand” (In reference to “Golgi Apparatus”)
“I just bought JewWooks.com… million dollar idea”
“That’s a monday problem.”
Guy 1: “Hey man, do you have any Tums?”, Guy 2: “I don’t, and I’m pretty sure you’re the only person here looking for ANTacid”
“I guess there’s no wrong thing to wear to a Phish show.” (Looking at a guy in a Fishman dress)
“What’s the difference between a Ferrari and a boner?”… “I don’t have a Ferrari right now”
“Can you put the dildo in the glove box next to my disco ball”
“Wait… we know that guy, it’s Butt Pussy” In reference to… http://imgur.com/AMxtyIo
(On a car windshield) “I wish my wife was as dirty as this car is.”
“Dude you can’t just listen to Zappa…you have to like wean yourself into it.”
“I sprained my ankle and I don’t give a fuck” (Guy with a black and blue swollen ankle)
“I can’t believe anyone goes to a festival for just one band. I don’t even really like Phish.”
“I didn’t cry or suck any dicks so it was a good day.”
“I have lost control of the gate!” (Helpless security guard trying to contain a mass of fans pushing through to catch the secret set)
Mom says to friend: “Not too many spunions here.”
7 year old girl: “Mom, what’s a spunion?”
Mom: “Eat your breakfast Cindy”
“Where did we park the spaceship”
“Im going to sleep like a baby triceratops tonight. Just a little horny”
Seeing a Bernie Sanders poster someone was carrying….. “Is that Warren Buffett?”
“What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhinos? El-if-I-no.”
“Get your heady bleu cheese handjobs on the Ferris wheel”
“I don’t think I’d hurt a bubble”
“Get that away from me, I have a drug test soon.”
“I sure hope I find my kids soon, lost them at secret set.” (1 pm on Sunday.)
“Waddya call a fake macaroni? An impasta.”
“I have monster hands, I can’t do anything with them”, “What kind of drugs give you monster hands man?”
“I can’t figure out how to make these feet work”
“I wish Bernie Sanders was my grandpa”
In the taco line after the secret set: “Could you just throw some acid on top, cuz I’m ready to go all night”
“Hey! There’s a dance party in the Lizard Tunnel”
“I’m gonna buy her the grey tank top one. That’s not a shirt that you just like, clean the house in. That shirt is like SEX-UAL-ITY.”
“Porta potty blowjobs.. 1 for $3… 2 for $5”
“I don’t even know where I am right now”
“Tesla, like the car or the band?”
“Dabs don’t give you energy, but these peaches and plums will”
“I’m seriously not joking when I’m wasted I can speak perfect Spanish”
“I took this new drug, I’m not sure what it’s called”
“I would give myself to Science, but I feel like it wouldn’t help”
“I can’t believe there’s really a newspaper called the Ball Street Journal!”
“I’m having more fun than a wildebeast riding a kangaroo”
“All these people are like sheep, and Trey is like Little Bo Peep!”
“I’m not even in bed yet and I can see the sugar plum fairies dancing in my head”
“Did you see the guy holding the service sloth?”
“Am I tripping or is that projection screen in 3D? Because I am definitely tripping.”
Husband: “I think I’m going to quit my job and follow Phish around for the rest of the summer!”
Wife: “You already did that… and now summer tour is over!”
Husband: “Oh yeah! I think I’m going to need another job…”
“Being a wook is like being crazy. If you know you are a wook you can’t possibly be a wook.”
“You’re a professional Hula-Hooper? So is my 7-year-old daughter!”
[via Facebook Thread, PT Thread, and just overheard by us]